What is my spirit aligning with right now?
My spirit is recognizing and sensing the opening of the realms. As the Day of the Dead approaches, I sense a profound opening of the realms. I can hear more voices in the environment. I can feel the ancestors calling from distant lands. I can feel the urgency to make changes and stick with them. I can hear the voices of my ancestors' lineages motivating and pushing me forward. Not just me. But also those around me. Even you. The voices of your ancestors are in the wind. They are calling out for you to connect. To renegade with them. To walk the path that they have set forth for you.
Fall is a time of deep reflection for me. I often face all of the demons that I have been pushing to the recesses of my mind—thoughts of my childhood spring forth like a bubbling stream. Thoughts of my mother penetrate every area of my life, reminding me of all of the unresolved feelings I have about her and our former relationship. Her presence penetrates my dreams, a source of refuge for me, but when she emerges from the mist, I often awake drained and feeling violated. My other continues to reach out to me in dreams. She transitioned late in 2019, and after I began my healing journey to come to grips with what happened to me in my childhood and acknowledge her role in these events, she has been communicating with me from the other realms. Constantly reminding me of her struggles here, or of how sorry she is for what happened to me. She offers me apologies and explains that she did not learn to love until I came along. This is a lesson she is taking with her to her new existence, when she is ready. Other times, she just visits me, with no words, and she stares. She is someone in the background, lurking in the shadows as if I need more things and thoughts to dwell on.
This is a deep season of grief and pain. Reflecting and letting go. A season to not be perfect, but to reflect and release those things that I can no longer carry along with me. The act of self-contemplation is important for me. It is a daily practice that keeps me humble and on a path to growth. It is often hard for us to reflect on our shadows. We are so inclined to reflect on the good, on the light. We are all more complex beings than this. We deserve so much more than we give ourselves credit for. We are way more resilient and able to withstand more than we expose ourselves to. We are quick to expose ourselves to all the negative energies around us, which can consume us through social media, the news, and other sources. We often lack the true audacity and strength it takes to be silent in reflection and listen to ourselves. Listen to what is true for us. Listen to what comes up for us, the complicated emotions. The fucked-up childhood we had. The problematic relationship we had with our mothers, our father, and other women. The relationship we have with overworking and letting it consume us daily. We have so many truths lying beneath the surface of who we are. And we are afraid to know these truths. What lies in this area is the true “us”—our true nature. If we are to only align with it, then we will reconnect and be connected to our lineage and the reason we came here in the first place.
I have lived many lives, and this one has been really profound. I have experienced many truths, learned many lessons, and rested with the ancestors in that knowing. In this life, I have had the privilege of knowing the pain, uncertainty, and confusion surrounding being betrayed by someone who was supposed to hold you in high regard but chose not to—my mother. I learned in this lifetime how a title does not align with who you are. We chase titles to make ourselves feel better or to boost our self-esteem, so we feel like we are more. When all of those things are stripped away, only “we” remain, our true nature. Titles are just that, human adornments placed around us to reward us for mastering a skill that we more than likely inherently know about ourselves anyway. It is the external validation we seek from others to be labeled as a good human being. To be labeled as someone who works hard and demands respect. While at the same time running from the demons and nightmares that bind our minds and shatter the foundations that our souls walk upon.
Yes. Fall. It is a time of deep reverence and reflection for me. I can hear the call of my ancestors in the wind. I can still hear the chants and drumming from my distant kin, and it resonates within me. It reverberates within my soul, within my veins. It is the air that I breathe in in the mornings, my offering of praise each day. Each day as I approach my altar, I am met with a “knowing”. That all of my efforts here have not been in vain. The healing work that I began a while ago was to break lineage bonds and generational patterns. It was done to break my lineage free from repeating destructive patterns that would destroy us, our line. At the beginning of my journey, I was a wreck. I was terrified to acknowledge what stood before me. It was a mountain of work that needed to be done. “One foot in front of the other”, my ancestors called out to me and said. “One foot in front of the other, Allonia”. I have taken many paths in my life, and I thought they were all challenging. Yet, this path to healing from childhood abuse and healing the mother wound was the most treacherous. We all have the choice and the power to change. We only have to be willing to go inside ourselves. During this walk, I tried Ayahuasca to help me remember. I have tried hypnosis to remember. I have attempted to go into deep meditations and trances to remember. I have tried many modalities to remember the “shadow”, or what my inner child calls “the monster”. You see. There is a “shadow” or “monster” that lives inside many of us that we do not dare to face. I can say today that I am glad I began this work to see my “shadow” face-to-face. There is a great deal of freedom in knowing and doing the work. It is a continual practice.
Fall is here again with a sense of renewal. A new energy is emerging and coming forth. The veils are thinner, and we are in a more direct line of communication with our ancestors and spiritual team. I encourage you to use this time of great triumph and reflection. Use it as an opportunity to reconnect with your loved ones, work on your shadow, and move forward in a new light. With the return of our ancestors to our altars during this season, we are reminded of the gifts they handed down to us. We are reminded of who we are, that we always have help, and that we always had someone who prayed for us. Those prayers are still going forth in the realms and will never cease. We are reminded to keep going. We are reminded to always remain true to ourselves. We are reminded that there is light on the other side of our pain. There is a softness that lies underneath the wall we have created around our hearts. We are reminded to flow and just be. We are reminded of ourselves.
Your softness revolution starts here. Are you ready for it?
-Allonia
