Our Design, Our Medicine: Why Knowing Yourself Changes Everything

When my daughter Rose and I co-founded Allonia Rose, we didn't just create a business. We created a container for healing built on understanding—understanding ourselves, our energy, and how we were designed to move through the world.

That understanding came through Human Design.

I'm a 1/3 Splenic Projector. Rose is a 4/1 Self-Projected Projector.

And learning this? It changed everything.

Not because it gave us labels or boxes to fit into. But because it gave us permission—permission to stop fighting against our nature and start working with it.

What Human Design Taught Us

For most of my life, I operated like I was designed to do it all. Four jobs at once. Constant motion. Never stopping. Always providing. Always pushing.

I thought that's what strength looked like. I thought that's what being a good mother, a good daughter, a good provider looked like.

But my body knew differently.

When I collapsed from burnout and spent months bedridden, I had to face the truth: I was living completely out of alignment with how I was designed.

As a Projector, I'm not here to work myself to the bone. I'm not built for constant output. I'm not designed to initiate or force or push my way through life.

I'm here to guide. To see. To hold space. To offer wisdom when I'm invited. And to rest—deeply, unapologetically rest—so I can show up fully when it matters.

But I didn't know that. I thought rest was laziness. I thought my worth was tied to how much I could produce.

Learning my Human Design didn't just teach me about energy. It gave me permission to be myself. To honor my body. To stop apologizing for needing rest. To understand that my value isn't in doing—it's in being.

And for Rose? Learning she was a 4/1 Self-Projected Projector helped her understand why she thrives in deep, intimate connections. Why she needs her community. Why she's here to learn, master, and then share what she knows. Why her voice—her literal voice—is her authority.

It helped her see that she doesn't have to be like everyone else. That her gifts are different. That her path is her own.

The Tribal Circuit & Why I Gave Too Much

One of the most important things I learned through Human Design is my tribal circuitry.

Tribal energy is about support, family, community, and resources. It's the energy of "we take care of our own."

And I have it strong.

For years, I thought that meant I had to take care of everyone. That I had to say yes. That I had to provide even when it depleted me. That boundaries were selfish.

I housed family members. I financially supported my narcissistic mother. I worked myself into the ground trying to make sure everyone else was okay.

I confused being tribal with being used.

But here's what I learned: tribal energy is beautiful—but without boundaries, it becomes self-destruction.

Being tribal doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself. It doesn't mean you have to give until there's nothing left. It doesn't mean your needs don't matter.

It means you're wired for community. For reciprocity. For mutual support.

But reciprocity means both ways. It means you get to receive too. It means the community supports you just as much as you support them.

Learning this was one of the most liberating moments of my healing journey.

I wasn't selfish for needing rest. I wasn't wrong for setting boundaries. I wasn't failing by choosing myself.

I was finally learning how to operate in my design instead of against it.

Operating in Your Capacity

Here's the thing about Human Design—and really, about any tool that helps you understand yourself better:

It's not about putting yourself in a box. It's about understanding your unique capacity so you can stop comparing yourself to everyone else.

You are not designed to operate the way someone else does.

Your energy is different. Your rhythm is different. Your needs are different. Your gifts are different.

And when you try to force yourself to work like someone else—someone with different energy, different wiring, different design—you burn out. You get resentful. You lose yourself.

I spent decades trying to operate like a Generator—constant doing, constant output, proving my worth through productivity.

But I'm a Projector. I'm not designed for that. My body literally cannot sustain it.

And when I finally understood that? When I finally gave myself permission to rest, to wait for invitations, to honor my capacity instead of overriding it?

Everything shifted.

I stopped collapsing from exhaustion. I stopped resenting the people I was caring for. I stopped feeling guilty for needing rest.

I started building a life—and a business—that actually worked for me.

A soft life. A sustainable life. A life where I could give from overflow instead of depletion.

Why This Matters for You

You don't have to know your Human Design to benefit from this lesson.

But you do need to know yourself.

You need to understand your capacity. Your limits. Your rhythms. Your energy.

You need to stop trying to operate the way everyone else does and start honoring how you are designed.

Maybe you're someone who thrives on routine and structure. Maybe you need spontaneity and flow.

Maybe you need deep rest every day. Maybe you recharge through movement.

Maybe you're built for long, focused work sessions. Maybe you need short bursts with lots of breaks.

Maybe you're designed to lead. Maybe you're designed to support.

Maybe you're wired for big communities. Maybe you thrive in intimate, small circles.

There's no right or wrong. There's just you.

And the more you understand yourself—your design, your wiring, your capacity—the more you can build a life that doesn't break you.

The Soft Life Is Living in Alignment

The soft life isn't about luxury or indulgence.

It's about alignment.

It's about understanding yourself well enough to stop forcing, stop performing, stop overriding your body's wisdom.

It's about creating a life that works with you instead of against you.

It's about honoring your capacity instead of apologizing for it.

It's about rest, rhythm, and remembering who you are underneath all the conditioning, all the expectations, all the "shoulds."

Rose and I built Allonia Rose from this place. From understanding. From alignment. From honoring our design.

We're both Projectors, so we don't operate like Generators or Manifestors. We don't hustle. We don't force. We don't push.

We wait. We rest. We hold space. We guide. We create when it feels aligned. We say no when it doesn't.

And because we're operating in our design instead of against it, we're sustainable. We're not burning out. We're not resenting the work.

We're doing what we were designed to do—and it feels sacred.

An Invitation

If you've been feeling exhausted, resentful, or like nothing you do is ever enough—maybe it's time to ask yourself:

Am I living in alignment with how I'm designed? Or am I trying to be someone I'm not?

You don't have to know your Human Design chart to answer that question. You just have to be honest with yourself.

What does your body need that you're not giving it?

What boundaries do you need to set that you've been avoiding?

What rhythms feel natural to you that you've been ignoring?

What would it look like to live with yourself instead of against yourself?

The soft life starts here. With understanding. With self-awareness. With permission to be exactly who you are.

Rose and I are living proof that when you stop fighting your design and start honoring it, everything changes.

Your energy returns. Your resentment fades. Your life becomes sustainable.

You come home to yourself.

And that? That's the medicine.

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Want to learn more about Human Design and how it can support your soft life journey? Join us in the Soft Hearts Society, where we explore tools like Human Design, ancestral healing, and embodied practices to help you remember who you are. Because the soft life isn't about doing more—it's about being yourself, fully and unapologetically.

I also have a mentor who is an expert in the field of Human Design and what it means to be a Projector. She hosts a Projector mentorship container that is priceless. Check her out here if you are curious.