5 Soft Practices for Choosing Softness

The Revolutionary Act of Choosing Softness

There's a moment that comes for many of us—often when we're lying in bed, too exhausted to move, wondering how we got here. For me, it came after months of being bedridden, my body finally refusing to carry the weight I'd been forcing it to hold for decades.

I had worked four jobs at once. I had been the provider for everyone—my daughter, my sick parent, and extended family members who needed a place to stay. I said yes when my body screamed no. I equated my worth with how much I could give, how much I could do, how much I could sacrifice.

And then my body said enough.

What I've learned through my own healing journey, and what I witness in the sacred circles I hold for women, is that softness isn't surrender. Softness is the most revolutionary choice a woman can make in a world that profits from her depletion.

When we've spent years—sometimes decades—in survival mode, our nervous systems become wired for fight or flight. We become disembodied, disconnected from our own needs and desires. We forget what it feels like to simply be rather than constantly do.

Coming home to ourselves means learning to recognize the difference between the voice of our conditioning and the whisper of our truth. It means understanding that rest is not something we earn through exhaustion—it's our birthright.

In the Soft Hearts Society™, we're learning together that softness is an act of rebellion. It's choosing yourself when you've been taught to choose everyone else first. It's setting boundaries when you've been praised for having none. It's resting when the world tells you to keep going.

This isn't about becoming passive or disconnected. It's about reclaiming the energy we've been giving away freely to people and systems that never honored it. It's about learning to direct our life force toward what actually nourishes us.

Your softness is your medicine. Your rest is your resistance. Your choice to come home to yourself is the beginning of everything.

My Soft Living Codes for Choosing Softness

When I started choosing softness, I had to create codes that reminded me this wasn't weakness—it was wisdom.

My Soft Living Codes became: Softness Is Strength, Rest Is Resistance, My No Is Sacred, Boundaries Are Love, and Choosing Myself Is Revolutionary.

These codes guide me when the world tries to convince me that soft living is privilege, laziness, or self-indulgence. They remind me that choosing softness in a culture that demands my depletion is one of the most radical things I can do.

This is what we practice in The Soft Hearts Society™—choosing softness daily, even when it feels impossible, even when guilt says we should be doing more.

"Softness isn't surrender. Softness is the most revolutionary choice a woman can make in a world that profits from her depletion."

5 Soft Practices for Choosing Softness

1. Recognize Your Nervous System's State

Throughout your day, pause and place your hand on your heart. Ask yourself: "Am I in fight or flight right now, or am I present?"

Notice tension in your jaw, shoulders, or stomach—these are signs your body is in survival mode.

Simply acknowledging this without judgment begins the shift.

For years, I lived in constant fight-or-flight. My nervous system was wired for survival from childhood trauma, reinforced by decades of overwork and hypervigilance. I didn't even know what "regulated" felt like.

Learning to recognize my nervous system's state was the first step. When I noticed the tension, the shallow breathing, the clenched jaw—I could pause. I could choose differently.

In the Soft Hearts Society™, we learn nervous system awareness through:

• Daily check-in practices where we notice our body's signals

• Somatic tracking during weekly live calls, where we practice recognizing regulation vs. dysregulation

• Nervous system education, so you understand what's happening in your body

• Polyvagal theory basics that explain why your body responds the way it does

In Module 5 (Reiki for Ancestral Healing) and through our monthly Reiki transmissions, we learn practices that help shift your nervous system from survival to safety. Reiki, sound healing, and breathwork become tools for regulation.

Practice this week: Set three alarms throughout your day. When they go off, pause. Place your hand on your heart. Ask: "Am I in fight-or-flight or am I present?" Just notice.

2. Create a "Soft No" Practice

Start small by saying no to one thing each week that drains you.

It doesn't have to be dramatic. Say no to:

• The extra committee

• The favor that feels heavy

• The social obligation that exhausts you

• The request that makes your body contract.

Notice what comes up—guilt, fear, the urge to explain yourself. Breathe through it. Your no is complete without justification.

My first "soft no" felt terrifying. I said no to financially supporting a family member for the first time in decades. The guilt was crushing. The fear that I'd lose the relationship was real.

But my "no" created space. Space for my own healing. Space for boundaries. Space for softness.

In our Soft Life Boundary Setting course (Month 6 of the curriculum), we practice the "soft no" together. We learn:

• How to say no without over-explaining

• Scripts for different situations (family, work, friends)

• Somatic grounding so your body feels safe saying no.

• Ritual practices for releasing the guilt that follows

During weekly live calls, we share our "soft nos" and witness each other's courage. We hold space for the discomfort, the fear, the guilt—and we celebrate the boundary anyway.

This week: Choose ONE thing to say no to. Something small that drains you. Say no without explaining. Notice the guilt. Breathe through it.

3. Establish a Rest Ritual

Choose one time each day—even just 10 minutes—that is non-negotiable rest.

Not productive rest, like meal prep or organizing. True rest:

• Lying down

• Sitting in stillness

• Gazing out a window

• Doing absolutely nothing

Set a boundary around this time. Turn off your phone. Lock the door if you need to. Teach the people in your life that this time is sacred.

My rest ritual became my morning practice—meditation, tea, sitting outside, doing nothing useful. At first, the guilt was overwhelming. "I should be working. I should be helping someone. I'm wasting time."

But these 10 minutes of rest became the foundation of my soft living. It taught my nervous system that rest was safe, that I was worthy of it.

In the Soft Hearts Society, we practice rest rituals through:

• Monthly guided meditations specifically designed for deep rest

• "Nothing Time" practices, where we literally do nothing together

• Restorative yoga that teaches your body to rest

• Sound healing that regulates your nervous system, so rest becomes accessible

Through Reiki and energy work, we release the guilt that comes with resting. We work with the ancestral pattern that says rest is lazy.

Starting today: Block 10 minutes on your calendar. Title it "Rest Ritual." Protect it fiercely. Do nothing productive during this time.

4. Track Your Energy Exchanges

For one week, notice where your energy goes.

Ask yourself:

• Who and what depletes me?

• Who and what nourishes me?

• Where am I giving more than I'm receiving?

• What relationships are reciprocal?

Write it down without judgment. At the end of the week, look at the patterns. Choose one energy drain you're ready to release or restructure.

When I tracked my energy, I discovered I was giving 80% of it to people and situations that gave me nothing in return: my mother, my sister, family obligations, volunteer commitments—all drains. Almost nothing nourished me.

This clarity allowed me to make different choices. I withdrew from what depleted me. I redirected that energy toward myself, toward Rose, toward building the Soft Hearts Society.

In Module 3 (Meditation for Ancestral Connection and Healing), we work with energy reclamation. Through guided meditations, we practice:

• Calling our energy back from everyone and everything we've given it to

• Setting energetic boundaries that protect our life force

• Recognizing energy vampires vs. reciprocal relationships

This week: Keep a simple energy log. At the end of each day, note: What drained me today? What nourished me? Look for patterns.

5. Soften Your Self-Talk

Notice how you speak to yourself when you rest or set a boundary.

Do you hear:

• "You're lazy."

• "You're selfish."

• "You should be doing more."

• "Everyone else manages, why can't you?"

These are the voices of conditioning, not truth.

When you hear them, place your hand on your heart and say:

• "Rest is my birthright."

• "Softness is my choice."

• "I am allowed to choose me."

My inner critic was vicious. Every time I rested, she told me I was lazy. Every time I set a boundary, she told me I was selfish. Every time I chose myself, she told me I was failing everyone.

Learning to soften my self-talk meant recognizing that this wasn't my voice—it was the voice of everyone who benefited from my depletion.

In the Soft Hearts Society, we work with self-talk through:

• Affirmation practices that rewire our internal dialogue

• Inner child work where we comfort the part of us that internalized these messages

• Shadow work that helps us see where this critical voice came from

In Module 2 (Releasing Family Guilt and Shame), we specifically address the inner critic. Through journal work and ritual, we release the voice that says choosing ourselves is selfish.

Practice: Notice your self-talk this week. When you hear criticism, place your hand on your heart. Say: "Rest is my birthright. I am allowed to choose me."

Ways to Continue This Work with Me

If these words resonated with you—if you found yourself nodding, crying, or feeling that deep recognition of "this is my story too"—I want you to know you don't have to walk this healing path alone.

The Soft Hearts Society™

A sacred membership community where women gather to choose softness together—daily, imperfectly, courageously.

Inside, you receive:

• Weekly livestreams with me and my daughter Rose—where choosing softness is honored, not judged

• 10-month Ancestral Healing curriculum that addresses why softness feels dangerous and how to reclaim it

• Nervous system regulation practices—Reiki, sound healing, yoga, breathwork—that teach your body softness is safe

• Boundary-setting tools for practicing the "soft no"

• Rest rituals and nothing-time practices that retrain you to believe rest is your birthright

• Energy work for reclaiming your life force from what depletes you

• Affirmation and self-talk practices for softening your inner critic

• A community of women who understand that softness is revolutionary, not weak

Investment:

• Monthly: $375

• 3-Month: $1,025

• Yearly: $4,050

This isn't another self-improvement program. This is where you learn that choosing softness is the most radical thing you can do.

Free Resources to Begin

→ Join me on Insight Timer for free live women's circles every Sunday at 10 am CST

→ Subscribe to my YouTube channel for teachings on choosing softness

→ Follow on Pinterest for daily reminders that softness is strength

Remember: Your softness is your medicine. Your rest is your resistance. Your choice to come home to yourself is the beginning of everything.

Softness isn't surrender. It's a revolution.