6 Soft Practices for Remembering Who You Are

Who Am I? Beneath the Burnout, Beyond the Roles

Who are you when you're not producing? When you're not providing? When you're not performing?

If that question makes you uncomfortable, you're not alone. Most of the women I work with can tell me exactly who they are in relation to others—mother, employee, caretaker, friend—but ask them who they are at their core, and the silence is deafening.

I lived most of my life as a provider. I worked multiple jobs simultaneously. I financially supported my mother, my sister, and her children, anyone who needed me. I showed up for everyone except myself. And when my daughter Rose needed me most, I was too depleted, too disembodied, too consumed by survival to truly be present with her.

The woman I was then? She thought her value lived in what she could give. She believed love was earned through sacrifice. She had no idea that underneath all that overgiving was a wounded girl who'd never been protected, never been chosen, never learned that she mattered beyond what she could provide.

Burnout isn't just exhaustion. It's a complete disconnection from self. It's what happens when we've been operating from everyone else's expectations for so long that we don't even know what our own needs feel like anymore.

The journey back home—the journey to answering "Who am I?"—isn't comfortable. It requires us to sit with the parts of ourselves we've been running from. The anger we were never allowed to express. The needs we learned to silence. The grief of all the years we abandoned ourselves.

In my own healing, I've worked with plant medicine, hypnosis, and past life regression to help me remember what happened to me as a child. My mind had buried the memories as protection, but my body kept the score. The path to remembering myself meant being willing to remember everything—even the parts that hurt.

This is the work we do together in community. We create space for women to ask themselves: Who am I beneath the roles? Who am I beyond the trauma? Who am I when I'm not performing for anyone's approval?

The answer doesn't come all at once. It comes in quiet moments of self-honoring. In boundary-setting, that feels scary at first. In choosing rest even when guilt tells you to keep going. In allowing yourself to be seen in your wholeness, not just your usefulness.

You are not what you produce. You are not what you provide. You are not the sum of your traumas or the extent of your exhaustion.

You are the woman who is ready to remember.

My Soft Living Codes for Remembering Myself

When I started the journey back to myself, I had to create codes that reminded me who I actually was—not who I'd been conditioned to be.

My Soft Living Codes became: I Am Worthy Beyond My Usefulness, My Desires Matter, I Don't Have to Earn Love Through Sacrifice, My Truth Is Valid, and I Am Allowed to Take Up Space.

These codes guide me when I forget who I am and slip back into performing, providing, and people-pleasing.

This is the core work of The Soft Hearts Society™—remembering who we are beneath all the conditioning, all the trauma, all the roles we've played.

"You are not what you produce. You are not what you provide. You are the woman who is ready to remember."

6 Soft Practices for Remembering Who You Are

1. The "I Am" Mirror Practice

Stand in front of a mirror, look into your own eyes, and complete this sentence five times: "I am..."

But here's the catch—you cannot use any roles (mother, wife, employee) or any descriptors based on what you do for others.

Focus on qualities, feelings, truths about your essence:

• "I am resilient."

• "I am healing."

• "I am worthy of rest."

• "I am more than my productivity."

This will feel uncomfortable at first. That discomfort is the doorway.

When I first tried this practice, I couldn't do it. I stared at myself in the mirror and had nothing to say. "I am... a mother. I am... a provider." But those were roles, not me.

It took weeks of practice to say: "I am sacred. I am enough. I am worthy without doing anything."

In the Soft Hearts Society™, we practice this together during our weekly live calls. We witness each other claiming our identities beyond our roles. We hold space for the grief that comes when you realize you don't know who you are.

In Module 9 (Integrating Lessons and Blessings from Ancestry), we work with reclaiming our inherent worth. We explore the ancestral patterns that taught us our value was conditional. We practice stating our worth as fact, not something to be earned.

This week: Stand in front of a mirror. Look yourself in the eyes. Say "I am..." five times. No roles. Only essence.

2. Desire Mapping

Set a timer for 10 minutes and free-write on this prompt:

"If no one's needs mattered but my own, if I had no obligations, if I wasn't afraid of judgment, what would I want?"

Don't censor yourself. Let your pen move without thinking.

The answers that surprise you are the ones to pay attention to—they're coming from your true self, not your conditioning.

When I did this exercise, what came out shocked me. I wanted to rest. I wanted to create. I wanted to be near water. I wanted to laugh with Rose. I wanted softness, not achievement.

None of what I wrote mentioned work, providing for family, or being useful. My true desires were simple, human, non-productive.

In the Soft Hearts Society™, we practice desire mapping through:

• Monthly journal prompts that help you access your authentic desires

• Vision work where we practice imagining lives built on our desires, not obligations

• Ritual practices for releasing the guilt that comes with wanting things for yourself

This week: Set a timer for 10 minutes. Write without stopping: "What do I actually want?" Don't censor. Don't judge. Just write.

3. The Body Scan for Self-Connection

Lie down and bring your awareness to different parts of your body, starting at your feet and moving up to your crown.

At each area, ask: "What are you holding? What do you need to tell me?"

Your body has been carrying your truth even when your mind has been overriding it. Listen without trying to fix or change anything.

My body held so much. My neck held the violence from my ex-husband. My shoulders held the weight of everyone I was carrying. My stomach held the fear I'd learned as a child. My throat held all the words I never said.

When I finally listened to my body, it told me everything I needed to know about who I was and what I needed.

In the Soft Hearts Society™, we practice body connection through:

• Monthly body scan meditations that teach you to listen to your body's wisdom

• Trauma-informed yoga that helps you reconnect with your body after years of disconnection

• Reiki practices that clear stored emotions and memories from your tissues.

• Somatic tracking during live calls, where we notice what our bodies are telling us

In Module 5 (Reiki for Ancestral Healing), we learn that our bodies hold ancestral memories. Sometimes what your body is holding isn't even yours—it's inherited. We practice releasing what was never ours to carry.

This week: Lie down for 10 minutes. Scan your body from feet to head. Ask each part: "What are you holding? What do you need to tell me?" Listen.

4. Identify Your Conditional Love Patterns

Journal on these questions:

• When did I learn that love required sacrifice?

• Who taught me that my worth was tied to what I could give?

• What happens in my body when I say no or disappoint someone?

Seeing these patterns clearly is the first step to choosing differently.

I learned early that love was conditional. My mother loved me when I was useful. My abuser "loved" me when I complied. My family loved me when I provided for them.

Saying no meant losing love. Disappointing people meant abandonment. So I never said no. I never disappointed anyone. And I lost myself completely.

In Module 1 (Understanding Ancestral Patterns), we trace these conditional love patterns back through our lineage. We see how our mothers believed the same lie, and their mothers before them.

Through ancestral healing work, we break the pattern. We practice believing that we're worthy of love without having to earn it.

Journal prompts:

• When did I first learn that love required sacrifice?

• What pattern am I repeating?

• What happens in my body when I disappoint someone?

5. Create a "Just for Me" Practice

Choose one activity each week that is purely for your own joy—not self-improvement, not productivity, not for anyone else.

Examples:

• Reading fiction

• Dancing alone in your living room

• Sitting in nature

• Drawing without purpose

• Listening to music

• Doing nothing

Practice receiving pleasure without earning it. This rewires the belief that you only deserve good things when you've been useful.

This practice felt selfish at first. Taking time "just for me" when I could be doing something productive? When I could be helping someone? It felt wrong.

But this practice taught me that I'm allowed to exist for my own pleasure. Not everything has to be useful or productive or for someone else.

In the Soft Hearts Society, we practice joy through:

• "Nothing Time" practices where we literally do nothing

• Permission to play without purpose or productivity

• Celebration circles where we share what brought us joy

• Ritual work for releasing the belief that we have to earn pleasure

This week: Choose one thing that's purely for your joy. Not self-improvement. Not productive. Just joy. Do it without guilt.

6. The Reverse Gratitude Practice

Instead of listing what you're grateful for, write what you're ready to release:

• "I'm ready to release the belief that..."

• "I'm ready to let go of the pattern where..."

This helps you identify what you've been carrying that was never yours to carry and creates space for your authentic self to emerge.

What I released:

• I'm ready to let go of the belief that my worth lies in my usefulness.

• I'm ready to let go of the pattern of giving until I'm empty.

• I'm ready to let go of the guilt that comes with choosing myself.

• I'm ready to let go of proving I matter by depleting myself.

Each release created space. Space for rest. Space for boundaries. Space for the real me to finally emerge.

In Module 7 (Forgiving and Releasing Ancestors' Burdens), we practice releasing what was never ours. Through ritual work, we create ceremonies of release—burning what we're letting go, burying it, offering it to water.

Through Reiki and energy work, we release these beliefs at a cellular level, not just cognitively.

This week: Write 5-10 things you're ready to release. Start each with: "I'm ready to release..." or "I'm ready to let go of..."

Ways to Continue This Work with Me

If these words resonated with you—if you found yourself nodding, crying, or feeling that deep recognition of "this is my story too"—I want you to know you don't have to walk this healing path alone.

The Soft Hearts Society™

A sacred membership community where women gather to remember who they are beneath the roles, beyond the conditioning, underneath all the performance.

Inside, you receive:

• Weekly livestreams with me and my daughter Rose—where you can be real about not knowing who you are anymore

• 10-month Ancestral Healing curriculum that helps you understand where you lost yourself and how to find your way back

• Mirror work and identity practices for reconnecting with your essence

• Body-based practices—Reiki, yoga, breathwork, sound healing—that help you listen to your body's wisdom

• Desire mapping and vision work for remembering what you actually want

• Ritual practices for releasing conditional love patterns and claiming your inherent worth

• A community of women who are also on the journey of remembering

Investment:

• Monthly: $375

• 3-Month: $1,025

• Yearly: $4,050

This isn't another self-improvement program. This is where you remember that you don't need to improve—you just need to come home to yourself.

Free Resources to Begin

→ Join me on Insight Timer for free live women's circles every Sunday at 10 am CST

→ Subscribe to my YouTube channel for teachings on remembering who you are

→ Follow on Pinterest for daily reminders of your inherent worth

Remember: You are not what you produce. You are not what you provide. You are not the sum of your traumas or the extent of your exhaustion.

You are worthy beyond your usefulness. Your desires matter. You don't have to earn love through sacrifice.

You are the woman who is ready to remember.