Perimenopause Rage and Mood Swings: How to Stop Snapping at Everyone You Love

His breathing is too loud.

The way he chews his food makes you want to scream.

Your kids ask you one simple question, and you bite their heads off - then immediately feel terrible about it.

Everything. Everyone. Is. Annoying.

You don't want to cook. You don't want to function at work. You just want to melt away under the covers and sleep. Or better yet - run away to a magic island where people pamper you and no one needs anything from you.

Welcome to perimenopause rage. And if your menstrual cycle hits at the same time? Forget it.

You're Not Mean. You're Hormonally Dysregulated.

Here's what's actually happening: Your hormones are shifting dramatically. Estrogen and progesterone are fluctuating wildly. Your nervous system is on fire. Your body is going through a massive transition.

And everyone around you is acting like you're supposed to be normal.

But you're not feeling normal. You're feeling:

• Irritable over things that wouldn't usually bother you

• Rageful at your spouse for simply existing

• Mean to your kids when they don't deserve it

• Guilty for snapping, which makes you feel worse

• Like you want to escape your entire life

And then you spiral.

You start thinking about all the people who don't show up for you the way you show up for them. You're pissed off. You reflect. You release. And then the cycle starts again.

What's Really Happening in Your Body

Perimenopause isn't just hot flashes and missed periods. It's a complete rewiring of your hormonal system.

When estrogen drops, serotonin (your feel-good neurotransmitter) drops with it. That's why you feel:

• Depressed

• Anxious

• Irritable

• Short-tempered

• Emotionally unstable

When progesterone fluctuates, you lose the calming, soothing effect it normally provides. You're literally missing your body's natural anxiety buffer.

Add in disrupted sleep, exhaustion, and the mental fog that comes with perimenopause - and of course you don't want to cook dinner or function at work or be patient with anyone.

You're not failing. Your body is going through something massive.

The Guilt-Rage Spiral

Here's the pattern I know too well:

You snap at your husband. Or your kids. Over something small.

Then you feel terrible. You apologize. You promise yourself you'll be kinder.

But then the hormones surge again and you're right back in the rage.

And the guilt compounds. "What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be calm? Why am I being so mean?"

But here's what I need you to hear: You're not mean. You're hormonally dysregulated. And you deserve compassion - from yourself first.

What Actually Helps (From Someone Living It)

I'm navigating perimenopause right now. And this week, I'm also starting my menstrual cycle - so I'm getting hit with BOTH hormonal shifts at once.

My husband's existence is annoying me. I want to run away. I'm questioning whether I even want to do IVF because what if the hormones make this worse?

So I'm not writing this from a place of "I healed this." I'm writing from: "Here's what I'm doing RIGHT NOW to not lose my mind."

1. Journal the Rage

Don't hold it in. Don't try to be "nice" on paper.

Write exactly what you're feeling: "I'm so angry at him for breathing. I hate that the kids need me. I want to disappear."

Getting it out of your body and onto paper releases the pressure valve.

2. Rest Without Guilt

If you need to melt into bed and sleep - DO IT.

Your body is working overtime right now. Hormonal shifts are exhausting. Rest is medicine, not laziness.

3. Meditation and Breathwork

Even 5 minutes of deep breathing can regulate your nervous system when the rage hits.

I use guided meditations (you can find mine on Insight Timer) specifically for hormonal balance and nervous system regulation.

4. Move Your Body

Walking in nature. Gentle yoga. Even just standing barefoot on grass (grounding).

Movement helps process the rage and anxiety that get stuck in your body during hormonal shifts.

5. Herbal Support

Drink lots of water. Herbal teas that support hormone balance (like red raspberry leaf, nettle, chamomile).

Watch your diet - blood sugar crashes make hormone swings WORSE.

6. Do Something Just For You

For me, it's playing video games on my Nintendo Switch. Something mindless and soothing that has nothing to do with being a mother, wife, or business owner.

Find your version of that. And don't apologize for it.

7. Music

Put on something that matches your mood or shifts it. Let yourself feel whatever's coming up.

8. Tell Your People What's Happening

"I'm in a hormonal storm right now. I'm going to be irritable. It's not about you. I'm doing my best."

You don't have to white-knuckle through this alone while pretending everything's fine.

When the Spiral Starts

Sometimes during these hormonal shifts, I start spiraling into resentment:

"Who shows up for ME the way I show up for everyone else?"

"Why am I always the one holding everything together?"

"I give and give and give - and for what?"

If this happens to you too, know this: The hormones are amplifying real feelings.

Yes, there might be legitimate resentment underneath. Yes, you might actually be over-giving and under-supported.

But right now, in the middle of the hormone storm, is not the time to make big decisions or have big conversations.

Journal it. Feel it. Release it. And when your hormones stabilize, THEN you can look at what's real and what needs to shift.

Be Kind to Yourself (Even When You Can't Be Kind to Others)

Here's what I'm learning: I can't always control how I react in the moment when hormones are raging.

But I can:

• Apologize when I snap.

• Explain what's happening in my body.

• Take space when I need it.

• Give myself grace instead of piling on guilt.

You're not a bad mother. You're not a terrible wife. You're not failing.

You're a woman going through a massive biological transition while still being expected to function normally. And that's impossible.

The Question I'm Sitting With

Right now, as I navigate perimenopause and consider IVF, I keep asking myself: "Will the fertility treatments make this worse?"

The hormone injections. The emotional rollercoaster. The mood swings.

I don't have the answer yet. But I'm sitting with it. Giving myself permission to not know. To be uncertain. To feel all of it.

And I'm reminding myself: Whatever I decide, it will be the right decision for me and my body.

More Support for Your Journey

If this post resonated with you, you might also find these helpful:

• Perimenopause Symptoms: Why I Felt Crazy and Unstable When Doctors Said I Was Fine - My full perimenopause story and what helped me survive

• 8 Soft Practices for Working with Sacred Anger - Practical tools for channeling rage without harming yourself or others

• 10 Practices for Women Who Are Tired of Being Strong - For when you just want to run away to that magic island

• 7 Soft Practices for Healing from Burnout - Because perimenopause + burnout is a brutal combination

You Don't Have to Do This Alone

Perimenopause can feel incredibly isolating. Especially when you're snapping at the people you love and feeling guilty about it.

But you're not alone. And you don't have to figure this out by yourself.

In the Soft Hearts Society™, we create space for women navigating perimenopause, hormonal shifts, and all the messy, unglamorous realities of our bodies changing.

We don't pretend it's all meditation and herbal tea. We talk about the RAGE. The irritability. The desire to run away. The guilt. The spiraling.

And we hold each other through it without judgment.

You'll find:

• Weekly livestreams where you can process what's actually happening in your body

• Monthly guided meditations for hormone balance and nervous system regulation

• A sisterhood that understands when you say, "I want to run away to a magic island."

• Practical tools and rituals for managing mood swings, rage, and emotional instability

• Permission to not be okay - and support while you navigate the storm

You don't need to be perfect. You just need to be held.

If you're tired of white-knuckling through perimenopause alone - if you need a space where you can say "I snapped at everyone today and I feel terrible" without being told to just "think positive" - come sit with us.

Join the Soft Hearts Society™ →

We're here. In the messy middle. Together.

With love and softness (even when we don't feel soft at all),
Allonia