The Revolutionary Act of Choosing Softness
There's a moment that comes for many of us—often when we're lying in bed, too exhausted to move, wondering how we got here. For me, it came after months of being bedridden, my body finally refusing to carry the weight I'd been forcing it to hold for decades.
I had worked four jobs at once. I had been the provider for everyone—my daughter, my sick parent, and extended family members who needed a place to stay. I said yes when my body screamed no. I equated my worth with how much I could give, how much I could do, how much I could sacrifice.
And then my body said enough.
What I've learned through my own healing journey, and what I witness in the sacred circles I hold for women, is that softness isn't surrender. Softness is the most revolutionary choice a woman can make in a world that profits from her depletion.
When we've spent years—sometimes decades—in survival mode, our nervous systems become wired for fight or flight. We become disembodied, disconnected from our own needs and desires. We forget what it feels like to simply be rather than constantly do.
Coming home to ourselves means learning to recognize the difference between the voice of our conditioning and the whisper of our truth. It means understanding that rest is not something we earn through exhaustion—it's our birthright.
In the Soft Hearts Society™, we're learning together that softness is an act of rebellion. It's choosing yourself when you've been taught to choose everyone else first. It's setting boundaries when you've been praised for having none. It's resting when the world tells you to keep going.
This isn't about becoming passive or disconnected. It's about reclaiming the energy we've been giving away freely to people and systems that never honored it. It's about learning to direct our life force toward what actually nourishes us.
Your softness is your medicine. Your rest is your resistance. Your choice to come home to yourself is the beginning of everything.
My Soft Living Codes for Choosing Softness
When I started choosing softness, I had to create codes that reminded me this wasn't weakness—it was wisdom.
My Soft Living Codes became: Softness Is Strength, Rest Is Resistance, My No Is Sacred, Boundaries Are Love, and Choosing Myself Is Revolutionary.
These codes guide me when the world tries to convince me that soft living is privilege, laziness, or self-indulgence. They remind me that choosing softness in a culture that demands my depletion is one of the most radical things I can do.
"Softness isn't surrender. Softness is the most revolutionary choice a woman can make in a world that profits from her depletion."
5 Soft Practices for Choosing Softness
1. Recognize Your Nervous System's State
Throughout your day, pause and place your hand on your heart. Ask yourself: "Am I in fight or flight right now, or am I present?"
Notice tension in your jaw, shoulders, or stomach—these are signs your body is in survival mode.
Simply acknowledging this without judgment begins the shift.
For years, I lived in constant fight-or-flight. My nervous system was wired for survival from childhood trauma, reinforced by decades of overwork and hypervigilance. I didn't even know what "regulated" felt like.
Learning to recognize my nervous system's state was the first step. When I noticed the tension, the shallow breathing, the clenched jaw—I could pause. I could choose differently.
Practice this week: Set three alarms throughout your day. When they go off, pause. Place your hand on your heart. Ask: "Am I in fight-or-flight or am I present?" Just notice.
2. Create a "Soft No" Practice
Start small by saying no to one thing each week that drains you.
It doesn't have to be dramatic. Say no to:
The extra committee
The favor that feels heavy
The social obligation that exhausts you
The request that makes your body contract.
Notice what comes up—guilt, fear, the urge to explain yourself. Breathe through it. Your no is complete without justification.
My first "soft no" felt terrifying. I said no to financially supporting a family member for the first time in decades. The guilt was crushing. The fear that I'd lose the relationship was real.
But my "no" created space. Space for my own healing. Space for boundaries. Space for softness.
This week: Choose ONE thing to say no to. Something small that drains you. Say no without explaining. Notice the guilt. Breathe through it.
3. Establish a Rest Ritual
Choose one time each day—even just 10 minutes—that is non-negotiable rest.
Not productive rest, like meal prep or organizing. True rest:
Lying down
Sitting in stillness
Gazing out a window
Doing absolutely nothing
Set a boundary around this time. Turn off your phone. Lock the door if you need to. Teach the people in your life that this time is sacred.
My rest ritual became my morning practice—meditation, tea, sitting outside, doing nothing useful. At first, the guilt was overwhelming. "I should be working. I should be helping someone. I'm wasting time."
But these 10 minutes of rest became the foundation of my soft living. It taught my nervous system that rest was safe, that I was worthy of it.
Starting today: Block 10 minutes on your calendar. Title it "Rest Ritual." Protect it fiercely. Do nothing productive during this time.
4. Track Your Energy Exchanges
For one week, notice where your energy goes.
Ask yourself:
Who and what depletes me?
Who and what nourishes me?
Where am I giving more than I'm receiving?
What relationships are reciprocal?
Write it down without judgment. At the end of the week, look at the patterns. Choose one energy drain you're ready to release or restructure.
When I tracked my energy, I discovered I was giving 80% of it to people and situations that gave me nothing in return: my mother, my sister, family obligations, volunteer commitments—all drains. Almost nothing nourished me.
This clarity allowed me to make different choices. I withdrew from what depleted me. I redirected that energy toward myself, toward Rose, toward building the Soft Hearts Society™.
This week: Keep a simple energy log. At the end of each day, note: What drained me today? What nourished me? Look for patterns.
5. Soften Your Self-Talk
Notice how you speak to yourself when you rest or set a boundary.
Do you hear:
"You're lazy."
"You're selfish."
"You should be doing more."
"Everyone else manages, why can't you?"
These are the voices of conditioning, not truth.
When you hear them, place your hand on your heart and say:
"Rest is my birthright."
"Softness is my choice."
"I am allowed to choose me."
My inner critic was vicious. Every time I rested, she told me I was lazy. Every time I set a boundary, she told me I was selfish. Every time I chose myself, she told me I was failing everyone.
Learning to soften my self-talk meant recognizing that this wasn't my voice—it was the voice of everyone who benefited from my depletion.
Practice: Notice your self-talk this week. When you hear criticism, place your hand on your heart. Say: "Rest is my birthright. I am allowed to choose me."
Choosing Softness, Again and Again
Living a soft life does not mean difficult moments disappear.
Life will continue to bring challenges, transitions, and experiences that ask us to return to ourselves.
Softness is how we choose to move through those moments.
It is learning to recognize when we are overextending ourselves. When we are saying yes out of guilt. When we are ignoring our needs to meet someone else's expectations.
And gently, we begin choosing differently.
We return to the land. Our spiritual practices. Our creativity. Our bodies. Our lineage mothers. Our knowing.
We witness what is present, release what we are ready to set down, and remember who we are.
Then we continue living.
And when another season calls us to return to this work, we do.
That is the soft life. An ongoing practice of returning to ourselves.
